It does get real Harsh sometimes!
Things get messy. It really does sometimes, what can we do right? I have so much to express right now I don't know where to start, I don't wanna give away too much for this blog is public, but also want to yell the bombs out of my brains because its been enough now.
We know what's going on don't we? America is in peril, India is in peril, the middle-east is in peril, Heck even I am in peril, pretty much everything seems to be falling down at the same darn moment.
If you're concerned about the same problems as I am, and wondering what the actual French toast is going around with this planet, you seriously need to calm the crap down or you'll end up like me. Messed up...
For me, there's no going back. But you still have a chance, Calm the fuck down, turn off the news for a second, its not like you're living an awesome life that you can handle what's going on in this blue planet right now. You need to shut that Television, Internet, Social Media or whatever you use to connect to the outer world down, if you really want to save yourself.
Well that's all I want to say right now, focus on yourself for now, repair yourself first.
Now let me rant about what's going on with me..
The worst thing about me is that I don't take my shit seriously, and am filled with guilt that isn't supposed to be there in the first place. Guilt about what you ask? I basically hate myself for hating myself, its a bloody trap. I suffer from clinical depression, anxiety disorder, yet it seems to be nothing serious to me though I understand the gravity of it. All that goes on in my mind is that someone has it worse, like seriously what the actual banana! I'm actually mad at myself.
I failed a godgrain semester, I can't basically do what I really love, I can feel the world passing in front of me every second getting more advanced that it can ever be, in such a pace that I'll never be able to catch though how much I try to keep up with the pace. The world seems to be falling apart, my dreams seem to be shattering one second by another, and the worst part? I don't feel shit! I'm flipping numb. I don't know what to feel, how to feel about things, I'm constantly stuck trying to figure out what's real and what's not! I'm telling you, this kind of existential depression kills, it kills hard! Hell I ain't even trying at all in this blogpost, I'm just yanking what comes first to my mind.
I feel heavily detached from the rest of the world, and the random articles saying that this is the sign of spiritual enlightenment aren't convincing, I feel tired of the reality. They say "You're just 16, calm down", like Are they even serious? Your generation completely fucked up the world we were supposed to be born in, and now that we want it to change, you stop us by showing a "just let it go man" card?
I basically don't know what I'm talking about right now, I'm numb enough to not actually even feel what I'm writing in here. Since an year, all I've been trying to do is find ways to relate to the world again (though I really don't want to). Not for once in my life have I ever felt connected to anyone, this total feeling of void used to be filled with a sense of purpose in my life. Kid Harsh wanted to meet his favorite Anime character Doraemon, that was basically his life goal, pre-teen Harsh wanted to build him, bring him into reality, and go on space-adventures, maybe Join ISRO (Indian space research organisation) and join hands with our late president Dr. APJ ABDUL KALAM. But he was thrown into the world of computers and hell if he loves it!! He's totally banging it! In his very first year he got the respect that he ever felt in his 15 years of life, so much admiration that he could not comprehend or understand, maybe he thought that the pain that years of getting bullied, self-humiliation, self-hatred and years of rage and suicidal thoughts and attempts had caused will finally come to an end....
But Nah!!!!!!!!!!! Nope!!!! Not like this bro!!! God works in mysterious ways!!!
I know I don't make sense with this blogpost at all, maybe it wasn't meant to make sense, I was just feeling lonely today, a lot.. I even had an awesome blogpost coming right on its way, but ditched it for this bullshit pessimist crap. I basically hate the way nature works, Because of the way we were programmed as kids.
I'm stuck with doing nothing but total crap for 6 more years, rendering me useless and skill-less, which will steal me of my purpose of saving the world, climate change is real and its killing me...
The worst part? I actually feel like everyone in this world is actually selfish, everything that a human does is for its own pleasure, trust me, think about it once...This is killing me too, and I won't let go of it
There is no fairy-land, And I'm pissed about it , really pissed
We know what's going on don't we? America is in peril, India is in peril, the middle-east is in peril, Heck even I am in peril, pretty much everything seems to be falling down at the same darn moment.
If you're concerned about the same problems as I am, and wondering what the actual French toast is going around with this planet, you seriously need to calm the crap down or you'll end up like me. Messed up...
For me, there's no going back. But you still have a chance, Calm the fuck down, turn off the news for a second, its not like you're living an awesome life that you can handle what's going on in this blue planet right now. You need to shut that Television, Internet, Social Media or whatever you use to connect to the outer world down, if you really want to save yourself.
Well that's all I want to say right now, focus on yourself for now, repair yourself first.
Now let me rant about what's going on with me..
The worst thing about me is that I don't take my shit seriously, and am filled with guilt that isn't supposed to be there in the first place. Guilt about what you ask? I basically hate myself for hating myself, its a bloody trap. I suffer from clinical depression, anxiety disorder, yet it seems to be nothing serious to me though I understand the gravity of it. All that goes on in my mind is that someone has it worse, like seriously what the actual banana! I'm actually mad at myself.
I failed a godgrain semester, I can't basically do what I really love, I can feel the world passing in front of me every second getting more advanced that it can ever be, in such a pace that I'll never be able to catch though how much I try to keep up with the pace. The world seems to be falling apart, my dreams seem to be shattering one second by another, and the worst part? I don't feel shit! I'm flipping numb. I don't know what to feel, how to feel about things, I'm constantly stuck trying to figure out what's real and what's not! I'm telling you, this kind of existential depression kills, it kills hard! Hell I ain't even trying at all in this blogpost, I'm just yanking what comes first to my mind.
I feel heavily detached from the rest of the world, and the random articles saying that this is the sign of spiritual enlightenment aren't convincing, I feel tired of the reality. They say "You're just 16, calm down", like Are they even serious? Your generation completely fucked up the world we were supposed to be born in, and now that we want it to change, you stop us by showing a "just let it go man" card?
I basically don't know what I'm talking about right now, I'm numb enough to not actually even feel what I'm writing in here. Since an year, all I've been trying to do is find ways to relate to the world again (though I really don't want to). Not for once in my life have I ever felt connected to anyone, this total feeling of void used to be filled with a sense of purpose in my life. Kid Harsh wanted to meet his favorite Anime character Doraemon, that was basically his life goal, pre-teen Harsh wanted to build him, bring him into reality, and go on space-adventures, maybe Join ISRO (Indian space research organisation) and join hands with our late president Dr. APJ ABDUL KALAM. But he was thrown into the world of computers and hell if he loves it!! He's totally banging it! In his very first year he got the respect that he ever felt in his 15 years of life, so much admiration that he could not comprehend or understand, maybe he thought that the pain that years of getting bullied, self-humiliation, self-hatred and years of rage and suicidal thoughts and attempts had caused will finally come to an end....
But Nah!!!!!!!!!!! Nope!!!! Not like this bro!!! God works in mysterious ways!!!
I know I don't make sense with this blogpost at all, maybe it wasn't meant to make sense, I was just feeling lonely today, a lot.. I even had an awesome blogpost coming right on its way, but ditched it for this bullshit pessimist crap. I basically hate the way nature works, Because of the way we were programmed as kids.
I'm stuck with doing nothing but total crap for 6 more years, rendering me useless and skill-less, which will steal me of my purpose of saving the world, climate change is real and its killing me...
The worst part? I actually feel like everyone in this world is actually selfish, everything that a human does is for its own pleasure, trust me, think about it once...This is killing me too, and I won't let go of it
There is no fairy-land, And I'm pissed about it , really pissed
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